Just wanted to keep track of my weight loss with dates and such! just this week alone i have lost 5lbs, i want to loose at least 10 more before we get pregnant again, so that i can gain a normal amount of weight without getting hillariously huge.... i dont know if i have mentioned this but i am up 15lbs since this summer when i was doing really good, 15 is kind of alot, so this week i bought lean cuisiens special K and a bunch of fruit, not on a crazy diet but just eating better, counting my calories, measuring portion sizes. stop eating by 8pm and then working out a few times a week. We are planning a trip to disney world in a few weeks so i need to look good in a swim suit pretty fast!! Its nice to have goals and things to look forward too, and im tanning again, just feeling alot better about myself!!! anyways, i was at 176 on monday and today im at 171! heres to 10 more.... maybe 15, 15 lbs down would be my goal weight, for my whole life..... maybe i can do it?? i havent been able to get that low since highschool, or before... lol which is pretty low for me since im almost 6ft tall lol, and i only put numbers on here for me, not for u readers, dont be rememberin those numbers okay??? lol
Saturday, January 29, 2011
Monday, January 17, 2011
blood types
I am feeling really good today, my mom went home sunday morning, and nick and the kids took really good care of me yesterday, today im physically prety much better, My mission for today is to try to understand something that was told to me in passing sort of by my doctor and nurses, I have a negative blood type, i am 0-, apparently with a negative blood type, when you get pregnant if the baby has a positive blood type my body with all its negativity will attack it. that is without a (rogam)sp shot. That is if nick's blood type is positive, then that could happen, if nick's is negative then we are fine..... nick's blood type was tested when we were pregnant with wil, and they never talkd to me about a shot, at all, which makes me think that this is the case. WIth cooper i switched drs mid preg and they never talked to me about this, and also when i was about 6 weeks along with coop i had some bleeding, enough to go to the hospital and be worried.... Wil's blood type was also 0-, which they checked in the hospital when he was born, today my mission is to track down cooper's blood type, and nick's.... which might be harder, either way i have had the shot now, so if that was what happened with this preg the next one will be fine.... but I am just curious now!!! Maybe its my crazy way of trying to find a why when there might not be one?? But its just interesting that i am just now hearing about my violent blood type now with my 3rd preg.... wierd...
anywho, I'm going to curl my hair today, and put on makeup, and maybe go on a date with my hubby tonight, whom i love. he is the best!
Thursday, January 13, 2011
Heartbreak
I had been looking forward to Wednesday's doctor's appointment for a very long time, very nervous, anxious and mostly excited, i was expecting it to be routine, I had never had a normal ultrasound so early in my pregnancies, Out in Lansing they didn't check for a heartbeat or anything until 12 weeks, so I was really excited to get to see the little bean so early. I have been feeling very pregnant, soreness, swelling, sick, hungry all the time, emotional mess, I felt normal. I ask all my questions about food, and activities, teeth whitening and working out questions, i tried to get a hold of nick and let him know that they were going to do the ultrasound cuz he said he would come right over, but his phone has been acting up so none of my calls were going through, i told the nurse that he owed me some flowers and laughed it off..... said this was our third so it was nothing he hadn't seen before, we knew what we were doing, this was an old hat for us. Then like 2 seconds after the dr started he sighed and said he didn't think he had good news for me, On the screen, the image that has been burned into my head for the past few days, was this little sac, with nothing in it, no baby, no heartbeat, no movement, empty.... empty?? that means no baby?? Wow, So as it has been explained to me, they aren't sure what happened, if the baby passed a while ago and the placenta kept growing, or if it was something else. the sac is about the size of a strawberry. He said that eventually my body would recognize that there was something wrong and then miscarry.... miscarry??? wow.... but I am 9 weeks right now, or I should be, well my body thinks I am. I don't understand how my body could do that to me, it knows what a baby is, we've done this before, how could it lie to me, lie to me in my weight gain, in my protruding belly, in my awesome chinese food cravings, how could it break my heart like that, 9 weeks is a long time to lie to someone.
In the blur that was the hours after the ultrasound i came home and broke. as i sobbed into my hubby's chest, we discussed our options. The dr told me that we could wait till it happened naturally, or do a d&c and finish it as soon as we could. At first i was appalled by the thought of ending it, but the more i thought about it, could i emotionally handle sitting and waiting to loose the baby?? waiting to start bleeding? when would it happen?? how bad would it hurt?? really bad as i understand, I just didnt know, so we decided to wait and think it over a day or two. once that was decided i got up to go to the bathroom and i just sat there thinking, "get ouuut of me" that was when i knew that i probably wouldnt be able to emotionally handle the wait, the when, the what if, I need it to be done so that i can heal and move on.
It hurts, my heart, real bad. people keep asking if i'm ok? the only answer i have right now is no. I'm really not okay, not at all. I'm sad, very very sad. I'm angry, i feel betrayed. it hurts to breathe. my lungs feel heavy
Another real hard part for me is telling everyone. I was so sure nothing like this would happen that I told everyone i was expecting real early, so its my fault i have to write this big thing and let everyone know what happened, cuz everyone already knows I'm expecting. It makes me feel stupid. and naive. and sad about what people will say. I don't want the sad looks. The I'm so sorry's. i don't know what i want, but i don't want people to pitty me. This is the saddest i have ever felt, I have had some crappy things happen in my life, but this takes the cake. next time i find out I'm expecting I'm going to have to keep it secret until we know for sure that everything is okay..... I get so excited. being a mom is who i am right now, its my whole life right now. it wont always get to be the only thing that defines me, but at this pointt in my life i am proud to be a mom, i love to be a mom, i love my kids with all my heart and i have never been as grateful for my healthy little boys as i am now. I love my husband he is wonderful, he is understanding and he is getting me through my sadness, it hurts him to see me sad, and i can tell. He is exactly what i need right now. He lets me cry when i need to, and holds me when i need it. for as long as I need it, and he will hold my hand later today when they knock me out to finish this nightmare. and he will be right there when i wake up. i couldn't do this without him. or my mom, who when i called and said i need my mommy she came right up. With food in tow. to take care of me and my kids and my broken heart.
I will be okay, i know i can have kids, healthy ones, i have done it before and i will do it again. but this SUCKS. and I'm scared.
I will probably be hiding out for a while. its the perfect month to hibernate, theres no reason to go outside anyways, its cold and nasty, January sucks....
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Christmas and New Years!
We made lots of cookies! They "helped" for like 10 minutes before i kicked em out, sadly they make a lot more work out of things than they should be lol
Then We frosted them all!! this was easier for the kids to help with They mostly ate the cookies while Nick and I frosted
My favorite part!!! The tree with all the presents underneath! I think I was more anxious and excited than Wil and Coop this year. I have always had a hard time sleeping Christmas eve, since i was a kid, i couldn't help but wake up like 10 times a night to see if Santa came, walk around all the presents then sneak back to bed before anyone noticed, I still feel that way! I was ready to open presents at 6am, and my kids didn't wake up till 8!!! lol I'm backwards I know, but its so much fun to see them get things that they have been wanting for sooo long!! 
This dog Cooper got hooks up to the computer and you download personalized songs and games on it, and Coop's name, So it talks right to Cooper, its so awesome and he loooves it
Wil got a MobiGo, that he had been wanting and asking for!! He really wanted an Ipod touch, because Nick has and IPhone and Wil gets to play all sorts of fun games on it, so he wanted his own really bad so he could play it when dad isnt home lol, but this game has the touch screen like the i-pod its just able to be roughed up a little better than the ipod
My parents got Coop this jet pack, Cooper is big into Toy Story, he loves these things! when you push the button on the front of it the wings pop up and blink! lol and buzz talks and every time he moves around it makes a woooshing sound
And we found this out this month also!! We will be adding our third and final child to the bunch this august!!! We are all super excited!! Sad to have decided this is the last one, but ready for another baby!!!
My lil sister stayed an extra few days after Christmas to hang out since she didn't have school all week and it was fun to have her here, she is hilarious
And this was out wild NYE party!!! it started at 8pm and went till about 830 lol But the kids made hats out of old party hats and we toasted about a million times until the sparkling grape juice was gone!!!
