Tuesday, February 2, 2016

Put up the baby gate today, they aren't excited about it.... Lol ember doesnt need to be trapped but Daxon really does. I'm tired of him breaking everything, like everything..... We will see how this goes. 
Coopers school nurse sent him home yesterday from school saying he has strep, he had no fever, he hasn't, which is why i was so torn about taking him in to the Dr, cuz he seems fine. He had blisters show up on Friday night, I let him sit like that and sent him to school Monday. The nurse was all "blisters are NOT normal" she was super sassy with implying I was a bad mom. 
So at the Dr today he tested neg for strep (ha!) I'm not a bad mom, it looked like a cold sore and not strep, I like that I have a good gut. Got him a note and am sending him back tomorrow. She says he isn't contagious. He does have some sores on the inside of his lips now, but they aren't a big deal.
Sassy school nurse. She sends him home all the time.... Aaaaalllllll the time. He's fine! I feel like calling the school and telling her I'm not a bad mom..... :)

Monday, February 1, 2016

Dax the destroyer

After i had my emotional break down yesterday morning,  i shook it off and went to get in the shower... I went out to check on the kids,  everything seemed to be in ok order for me to shower, little kids watching a tv show,  big kids playing a game,  ive got 20 mins.
I get out of the shower and hear Cooper "Noo Nooo Daxy!!!!"  but a lot meaner than normal... So i go check it out,  cooper is walking away all no big deal i ask what happened, "daxon is making a big mess with chocolate syrup"
Scene in the livingroom ---  Wil on little couch playing minecraft on laptop totally oblivious to life,  Daxon standing in a pool of chocolate syrup, covered in it,   in his hair all over his clothes,  dumping syrup onto the $70 ps4 controller on the couch,  and rubbing all the syrup all the freak over the couch.... allllll over,    right next to the brand new ps vita that santa brought for christmas...
que the cleaning,   i hand the ps4 remote straight to nick,    it was everywhere then clean up the baby then stick him in time out,   nick is yelling at the big boys for being completely oblivious to what was happening,   cooper for leaving the syrup out,  wil for not noticing life around him...   20 mins later of frantic sobbing cleaning,  
where is the baby?
Oh of course
in the bathroom,   with my makeup sprawled out on the rug,  and dumping my powder bronzer all over the freaking place and rubbing it around like snow......
are you kidding me?!?!?   time out
why are there a million people in this house and we cant keep track of one baby for like 10 mins... why,  
also yesterday he dumped a cup of milk on the ground and splashed in it like the water park
oh and cooper has strep throat,  but i didnt want to take him to the dr,  there is only one blister and i dont want to spend the money on it
then we were skyping my mom later,   and for some horrible reason a red crayon got put by the fan on the laptop,   didnt notice it,   went to pick up said lap top after insane crazy child on sugar crack skype date with grandma and it is dripping red goo,   all over the bottom of the computer all over the piano bench and something bounces in the drips onto my favorite rug......
red crayon
my brain isnt working fast enough i think "save the computer"  so i run to the kitchen and wipe off the computer then i had that all done realized it was wax and it was drying and it was red......
my rug!!!!
doomed......   dry red wax everywhere.....
f my life......
lol!!!!!   good thing i got all my crying out in the morning
oh and my dryer died..... and my van needs another new tire,  but last weekend nicks old car had a blow out on the expressway so he needs tires more lol
we are good,  i am blessed,  we are well taken care of
i am just so tired...
and pregnant
and crazy
and daxon is a lot of work
so we ordered an extra large baby gate,  and now he will be in baby jail...... for the remainder of this phase of destruction,
or until he speaks english better and cares that he is in time out
baby gate gets here tomorrow :)
i really need to keep track of these things,   because one day when he is in middle school i will say something to the effect of "daxon was the best baby,  i miss him that little,  he was just so squishey and precious"
because i will have totally forgotten days like yesterday
never forget........   lol


I've decided that i need to be better at putting all my hilarious kid stories somewhere,  and Facebook is a bit too public. i haven't written on here in a year, so there is a lot missing. Where are we now,   Daxon is goin on 2, ember is almost 4, I am 6 months pregnant with surprise baby #5, He is due on daxons birthday, yes another boy....... I am scheduling nick a vasectomy as soon as our tax return is figured out :)

Daxon has been one of the hardest toddlers i have ever had. I love him so crazy much, but he is into everything.  
This weekend started with Nicks car needing to go into the shop.  6 hours later they call and say it is going to be 2300 to fix the main problem, and that the gas tank needs to be replaced which is prolly another 1000 bucks.......  and its undrivable, Nick got a new job this school year, the commute from here is over an hour, about an hour and 20 mins. His car has had a lot of miles put on it, so logically he needs a car,  he is gone from 630am till about 9 or 10pm every night,  with the play and after school activities, and desperatly trying to catch up he has been working really really hard.  its good, im glad he has a job, but i play single mom over here and it is hard too :(  Hopefully we will be moving closer over the summer, which is going to be great.... with a newborn and all......
soooo the car is totally dead, well we cant afford to fix it,  luckily..... coincidentally , the van will be paid off in the next few weeks freeing up some money in the budget.... money i was excited to have for, you know, life... but heavenly father laughed and now nick has a new car. A really nice reliable car, that i am grateful he was able to walk in and get financed (we have his credit finally fixed so its not a big deal) he got a dang nice newer car, low miles, its awesome,  it really is,  and i got really jealous......  like he came home, im happy for him,  i really am,  but then i didnt sleep at all and im just jealous i think....
I was thinking about it before i went to bed,  Nick has a cool motorcycle,  an awesome car, a really nice computer, this awesome tv that cost a bunch,  the ps4 with games on it...... he is buying concert tickets, i cant go, ill have a 4 week old when they are in town,  and im not going to want to leave him.............and what do i have?  then i was thinking... what do i even want?   a new dryer?!?!?!  thats crazy depressing,   then i spiraled into a crazy fit of "I have no identity"   if i didnt have these kids and nick,  i would have nothing,  nothing to talk about,  no interests.... nothing..... When i was dating nick i was interesting,  i had opinions on things,  i had a life,  he fell in love with an interesting person, now,  i try to think,  if i could do anything, have anything what would it be? what do i like?......... chocolate and netflix?!  yikes,   im not my own person.  the people that i talk to i only talk to because they have kids the same age as mine........
So i freaked out on my husband,  sobbing and having lost my identity,  how he is my whole world and if he were gone tomorrow i would be done for..... it is scary to be so completely dependant on another person......  My sweet husband talked me off the ledge......  logically i know that the kids are little for only a short while,   i know logically that someday i will be longing for the day where my world revolved around story times, play groups, scouts, piano lessons......  but right now, today,  it is overwhelming. I feel smothered, like i have lost myself.......... there is no simple answer right now,   i dont even have time or money or the babysitter to go get my hair cut..... what makes it worse is that i was feeling hopeful before i found out i was pregnant again. I was collecting furniture, i was painting,  i was decorating,  i was trying new things, seeing what i could start doing now that i didnt have an infant sucking the life out of me. I know i am blessed to be having another healthy baby,  i am so excited,   i really am,  but at the same time i am a little resentful....... 5 kids is a lot,    way more than i thought i would ever have..... 
My husband reminded me that he is just as dependant on me as i am on him. he cant do this kid thing without me, he doesnt even know how we pay the bills,  where i keep all things in the house..   This life is our life,  not mine and his.... He is amazing,   i love him like crazy,   we are in this together.....  but  this is where i am at today....
I know that raising kids is what i am supposed to be doing right now. I know that i cant stick 5 kids in daycare that would cost a million dollars, and i would rather spend the day cleaning up daxons awful messes than having someone else tell me that he is awful,  and having someone else get to get hugs from him,  he is mine,  those slimey kisses are for me...... and the moments when he says "luvv vooo" make it worth it...... 
But sometimes it gets really heavy.....
6 years from now,   my life will be totally different..... 6 years ago it was way different than it is now..... it flys by.... i love it and i hate it.