5 down

Just wanted to keep track of my weight loss with dates and such! just this week alone i have lost 5lbs, i want to loose at least 10 more before we get pregnant again, so that i can gain a normal amount of weight without getting hillariously huge.... i dont know if i have mentioned this but i am up 15lbs since this summer when i was doing really good, 15 is kind of alot, so this week i bought lean cuisiens special K and a bunch of fruit, not on a crazy diet but just eating better, counting my calories, measuring portion sizes. stop eating by 8pm and then working out a few times a week. We are planning a trip to disney world in a few weeks so i need to look good in a swim suit pretty fast!! Its nice to have goals and things to look forward too, and im tanning again, just feeling alot better about myself!!! anyways, i was at 176 on monday and today im at 171! heres to 10 more.... maybe 15, 15 lbs down would be my goal weight, for my whole life..... maybe i can do it?? i havent been able to get that low since highschool, or before... lol which is pretty low for me since im almost 6ft tall lol, and i only put numbers on here for me, not for u readers, dont be rememberin those numbers okay??? lol

blood types

I am feeling really good today, my mom went home sunday morning, and nick and the kids took really good care of me yesterday, today im physically prety much better, My mission for today is to try to understand something that was told to me in passing sort of by my doctor and nurses, I have a negative blood type, i am 0-, apparently with a negative blood type, when you get pregnant if the baby has a positive blood type my body with all its negativity will attack it. that is without a (rogam)sp shot. That is if nick's blood type is positive, then that could happen, if nick's is negative then we are fine..... nick's blood type was tested when we were pregnant with wil, and they never talkd to me about a shot, at all, which makes me think that this is the case. WIth cooper i switched drs mid preg and they never talked to me about this, and also when i was about 6 weeks along with coop i had some bleeding, enough to go to the hospital and be worried.... Wil's blood type was also 0-, which they checked in the hospital when he was born, today my mission is to track down cooper's blood type, and nick's.... which might be harder, either way i have had the shot now, so if that was what happened with this preg the next one will be fine.... but I am just curious now!!! Maybe its my crazy way of trying to find a why when there might not be one?? But its just interesting that i am just now hearing about my violent blood type now with my 3rd preg.... wierd...
anywho, I'm going to curl my hair today, and put on makeup, and maybe go on a date with my hubby tonight, whom i love. he is the best!

Heartbreak

I had been looking forward to Wednesday's doctor's appointment for a very long time, very nervous, anxious and mostly excited, i was expecting it to be routine, I had never had a normal ultrasound so early in my pregnancies, Out in Lansing they didn't check for a heartbeat or anything until 12 weeks, so I was really excited to get to see the little bean so early. I have been feeling very pregnant, soreness, swelling, sick, hungry all the time, emotional mess, I felt normal. I ask all my questions about food, and activities, teeth whitening and working out questions, i tried to get a hold of nick and let him know that they were going to do the ultrasound cuz he said he would come right over, but his phone has been acting up so none of my calls were going through, i told the nurse that he owed me some flowers and laughed it off..... said this was our third so it was nothing he hadn't seen before, we knew what we were doing, this was an old hat for us. Then like 2 seconds after the dr started he sighed and said he didn't think he had good news for me, On the screen, the image that has been burned into my head for the past few days, was this little sac, with nothing in it, no baby, no heartbeat, no movement, empty.... empty?? that means no baby?? Wow, So as it has been explained to me, they aren't sure what happened, if the baby passed a while ago and the placenta kept growing, or if it was something else. the sac is about the size of a strawberry. He said that eventually my body would recognize that there was something wrong and then miscarry.... miscarry??? wow.... but I am 9 weeks right now, or I should be, well my body thinks I am. I don't understand how my body could do that to me, it knows what a baby is, we've done this before, how could it lie to me, lie to me in my weight gain, in my protruding belly, in my awesome chinese food cravings, how could it break my heart like that, 9 weeks is a long time to lie to someone.
In the blur that was the hours after the ultrasound i came home and broke. as i sobbed into my hubby's chest, we discussed our options. The dr told me that we could wait till it happened naturally, or do a d&c and finish it as soon as we could. At first i was appalled by the thought of ending it, but the more i thought about it, could i emotionally handle sitting and waiting to loose the baby?? waiting to start bleeding? when would it happen?? how bad would it hurt?? really bad as i understand, I just didnt know, so we decided to wait and think it over a day or two. once that was decided i got up to go to the bathroom and i just sat there thinking, "get ouuut of me" that was when i knew that i probably wouldnt be able to emotionally handle the wait, the when, the what if, I need it to be done so that i can heal and move on.
It hurts, my heart, real bad. people keep asking if i'm ok? the only answer i have right now is no. I'm really not okay, not at all. I'm sad, very very sad. I'm angry, i feel betrayed. it hurts to breathe. my lungs feel heavy
Another real hard part for me is telling everyone. I was so sure nothing like this would happen that I told everyone i was expecting real early, so its my fault i have to write this big thing and let everyone know what happened, cuz everyone already knows I'm expecting. It makes me feel stupid. and naive. and sad about what people will say. I don't want the sad looks. The I'm so sorry's. i don't know what i want, but i don't want people to pitty me. This is the saddest i have ever felt, I have had some crappy things happen in my life, but this takes the cake. next time i find out I'm expecting I'm going to have to keep it secret until we know for sure that everything is okay..... I get so excited. being a mom is who i am right now, its my whole life right now. it wont always get to be the only thing that defines me, but at this pointt in my life i am proud to be a mom, i love to be a mom, i love my kids with all my heart and i have never been as grateful for my healthy little boys as i am now. I love my husband he is wonderful, he is understanding and he is getting me through my sadness, it hurts him to see me sad, and i can tell. He is exactly what i need right now. He lets me cry when i need to, and holds me when i need it. for as long as I need it, and he will hold my hand later today when they knock me out to finish this nightmare. and he will be right there when i wake up. i couldn't do this without him. or my mom, who when i called and said i need my mommy she came right up. With food in tow. to take care of me and my kids and my broken heart.
I will be okay, i know i can have kids, healthy ones, i have done it before and i will do it again. but this SUCKS. and I'm scared.
I will probably be hiding out for a while. its the perfect month to hibernate, theres no reason to go outside anyways, its cold and nasty, January sucks....

Wow

I just realized that this is year 5 of my blog! yikes, thats a long time, kinda cool!

Christmas and New Years!

I love Christmas, its my favorite time of year, and its even more fun now that my kids are really into the excitement of it all! So my super lack of posting on the blog is due to soaking up all of this quality time with my kids and hubs! The hubs had like almost a month off of school!! he still has a whole week left with us!!! But tomorrow things go back to normal for us, next week will be really normal. I'm sad Christmas goes by so quick though, but at the same time really ready to get back to the grind!

So here is a cliff notes version of our month of December!!!

We made lots of cookies! They "helped" for like 10 minutes before i kicked em out, sadly they make a lot more work out of things than they should be lol
Then We frosted them all!! this was easier for the kids to help with They mostly ate the cookies while Nick and I frosted

My favorite part!!! The tree with all the presents underneath! I think I was more anxious and excited than Wil and Coop this year. I have always had a hard time sleeping Christmas eve, since i was a kid, i couldn't help but wake up like 10 times a night to see if Santa came, walk around all the presents then sneak back to bed before anyone noticed, I still feel that way! I was ready to open presents at 6am, and my kids didn't wake up till 8!!! lol I'm backwards I know, but its so much fun to see them get things that they have been wanting for sooo long!!

This dog Cooper got hooks up to the computer and you download personalized songs and games on it, and Coop's name, So it talks right to Cooper, its so awesome and he loooves it

Wil got a MobiGo, that he had been wanting and asking for!! He really wanted an Ipod touch, because Nick has and IPhone and Wil gets to play all sorts of fun games on it, so he wanted his own really bad so he could play it when dad isnt home lol, but this game has the touch screen like the i-pod its just able to be roughed up a little better than the ipod

My parents got Coop this jet pack, Cooper is big into Toy Story, he loves these things! when you push the button on the front of it the wings pop up and blink! lol and buzz talks and every time he moves around it makes a woooshing sound

And we found this out this month also!! We will be adding our third and final child to the bunch this august!!! We are all super excited!! Sad to have decided this is the last one, but ready for another baby!!!

My lil sister stayed an extra few days after Christmas to hang out since she didn't have school all week and it was fun to have her here, she is hilarious

And this was out wild NYE party!!! it started at 8pm and went till about 830 lol But the kids made hats out of old party hats and we toasted about a million times until the sparkling grape juice was gone!!!

All in all 2010 was a fun year! I'm not quite sure how we are surviving but we are. I feel really lucky to have the opportunities that we have! I am excited for 2011 and scared at the same time!!!!

As for resolutions ... uhm....

I cant have the lose 10lbs one from last year... although i did hit that goal!!!! around summer time, i have since gained it back, and will sadly continue to gain till this summer... but I am going to continue going to the gym 3 times a week throughout this pregnancy., In the hopes that I can drop the weight faster when its over!!!

I guess that's my resolution, oh, and to be a better blogger!!

AND I will keep the one from last year on here about being more outgoing and having more self confidence.... cuz i really seem to have trouble there, making and keeping friends!!

so here's to a friendlier, healthier, and better blogging 2011!!!!

Amy's wedding

Over Thanksgiving break we went on a Midwest adventure!!!

it started out in Indiana where my beautiful sister and parents live! She is in the best high school show choir in the State and they had their big dinner and performance on Saturday and Sunday!! It was probably the most amazing performance I have ever seen in a high school setting!! These kids were amazing!!! The choreography was phenom. They put ALOT of time and effort into it!!!! I have her Varsity Singers button on my purse, where it will stay forever, if you wanna see it just ask, i show it off like shes my own kid, I'm so dang proud of her!!!!

My Mom's mom Grandma Granzow came up (probably more over than up) from Iowa for the show too!! It was awesome to get to see her and My mom's sister Leitha!! They are amazing to drive all that way for Rachel

Then on Monday Nick went home, he had some classes that he couldn't get out of, and the kids and I hitched a ride with my parents and sister to Nauvoo, IL for my cousin Amy's wedding!!! It was amazazing!!! She looked beautiful (see bottom picture)

We had an eventful time there in the one day we got to spend there lol, We had a bachelorette party on Monday night ... where we went out to dinner at the only place to eat in the whole town that was open, and they were going to close at 7!! luckily we got there at 6:30 and made em stay open a little later!! then we played games till about 9 or 10, whoooooohoooooo lol, but it really was a great time, Amy has some awesome friends that came down to help with things and Her husband is amazing and a lucky guy!!!
This picture below is my grandma O! It was great to be able to spend so much time with everyone. My family is a blast!

Then after IL, we headed to Iowa for Thanksgiving at Grandma O's house! where i didn't take any picture, i might be stealing some off of facebook here in a bit! Then Friday we all caravaned back up to Michigan where Amy had a reception at the church, which was Saturday, and we set up all day on saturday and partied all night!!
whew, it was such a busy week. seriously, its been nice this week to just sit at home, i wish they would move Christmas back to January this year, cuz im so not ready for it at all!!!

Cooper and Wil had a blast dancing at the party! Coop was a riot, danced with everyone mooched food from EVERYONE!!! hes lucky he's cute so his mooching works!!

Halloween

This is turning out to be quite the long post with all these pictures! But we will start with one of Wil and I. With the new camera i bought that day! I lost my camera, and after looking and looking and looking and crying and looking Nick told me to just go get a new one! Cuz we seriously couldn't miss out on pictures of the biggest weekend in Wil's 3 years of life lol. He has been talking about shaving his head to be like the airbender for over a month, and he has been planning on being the airbender for halloween for longer! So after we got a new camera! We set out to shave the airbender's head for our playgroup party the next morning!
Had to cut it into a Mohawk first! couldn't miss that shot! We were nervous that Wil would freak out, he hates hates hates getting his hair cut, never lets me use the clippers (in his case the bzzzzzerezz) He acts like everyone of his hairs has a nerve in it and that it is literally killing him when i cut his hair.... So, needless to say we were expecting the worse. We taped a picture of the airbender costume on the mirror, so he could focus on the goal. But he ended up being so excited and pumped for this that he did great, sat still and acted like a normal kid. hes prolly been playin me all along

His hair was so long, it was kinda hard for me to do it, but it looks great, he has a nice shaped head, so no worries!

This is Cooper's pumpkin! This is my favorite pic of all time i think, i like the lighting, i love the little pumpkin face. ima use it for my desktop background for years to come. it makes me smile

Airbender the pumpkin! (seriously this kid is obsessed)

Twinsies!

Cooper had to have his face painted too, so nick tryed to draw a clownish thing on there. He looks like a hot mess in this pic, but at least he has his clothes on, he usually doesn't.... lol

Then last minute Nick thought it would be a good idea if he dressed up as Appa
the airbenders giant flying water buffalo! lol So i took the idea and ran with it. i got a big queen sized blanket (cuz we needed a new one for our bed anyways) and made an Appa backpack out of it!

This is us! at the trunk-or-treat at church! I dressed up as Jesse to go with Cooper as Buzz Lightyear and then we have the airbender and Appa!!

Wil absolutally LOVED Appa, and Nick hillariously bent down for every pic lol. Wil was in heaven, it was a blast, and so worth all the work to see how happy he was

Aang and Buzz trick-or-treating on our block! Cooper is really into Toy Story and especially Buzz, he has the blankets for his bed and a stuffed Buzz that he sleeps with, He flys around the house pretending to be Buzz and talks like buzz before he flys he says "and Beyond!!!!" then goes "Pppssshhheeewwwwww" as he flys away, he was equally excited to be buzz as wil was to be aang!

Our neighbors with the fresh doughnuts never disappoint! the smell lingers down the whole street! They make the doughnuts right in their garage and give out cider and hot chocolate with them! it is about halfway between our house and where we stop and turn around, just the perfect spot for a snack! we have the best street for trick-or-treating!

One Last pic of Aang and Appa! They have been wrestling and riding and killing the fire nation with appa since halloween! I keep waiting for him to fall apart so that i can wash him and put him on my bed.... he looks cozy!